


Supposed to Be

by morganofthewildfire



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Sexual Assault, F/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganofthewildfire/pseuds/morganofthewildfire
Summary: Fanfic based on tumblr prompt: “You were supposed to be my friend. That’s all …. that’s all I asked of you. To be my friend. To care.”
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien & Rowan Whitethorn, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn
Comments: 19
Kudos: 48





	1. Part 1

When Rowan got the phone call at 3 o'clock that morning, his blood ran cold. It wasn’t a number he recognized, but his phone had identified it as Wendlyn Medical Hospital. He didn’t have any family of friends in the city, as he had just moved there, so the only person they could be calling him about was Aelin.

Aelin. Who he had just left at the club three hours previously because he couldn’t handle her flirting with that guy who had come up to her.  _ Sam _ , he vaguely remembered hearing. Sure he and Aelin were just friends, best friends even, to the point where he was listed as her emergency contact, but he was beginning to want more. So he had left her there, even when they had promised to always stick with each other when going out and keep the other out of bad situations, (he himself had needed rescuing a few times too).

Rowan trusted her to take care of herself, she beat him about half the time they sparred, but she was alone and he had seen several guys eyeing her and looking drunk enough to try something.

So when he got the phone call, he cursed himself for being a fucking jealous asshole and picked it up, praying that nothing too bad had happened.

“ _ Hi, Mr. Whitethorn?”  _ The female voice on the phone said.

“Yes, that’s me,” he responded, voice gruff with sleep and with worry.

“ _ We have Aelin Galathynius in our critical care unit. You’re listed as her emergency contact.”  _ Rowan immediately jumped out of his bed and raced to get a shirt and some shoes on.

“I’m on my way,” was all he said before hanging up and rushing out the door.

He broke probably about 20 traffic laws as he sped to the hospital, unable to get Aelin’s face when he told her he was leaving out of his mind. She had looked confused, hurt, with disbelief and a flicker of what looked like disappointment in her eyes. But then he thought about where she was now, and that image was replaced with one of her in a hospital bed, different machinery all around her, and bandages covering wounds that he should’ve been there to stop.

When he got to the hospital, he practically ran into the lobby, barely stopping at the desk before blurting out the words “Where is Aelin Galathynius?” The receptionist looked alarmed at his behavior, but was cut off before she could respond.

“You must be Rowan,” said a female voice he recognized from the phone call. He glanced over to see a doctor walking toward him.

“Yes,” he said quickly, “what happened to Aelin?” 

The doctor gestured for him to follow her down the hall and he did so, eagerly awaiting her explanation.

“Ms. Galathynius was in fairly bad condition when we brought her in, but she’s stable now.” He breathed a sigh of relief. At least she wasn’t seriously injured, although he still would never forgive himself. “We don’t know fully what happened to her, as she hasn’t woken up yet to tell us, but a passerby saw her in the alley outside the Staghorn Club fighting off a male attacker.”

Rowan froze, if it was that Sam guy, he didn’t know what he’d first: beat Sam up or beat himself up. Of course Sam was at fault here if it was him, but Rowan couldn’t help his crushing guilt at leaving her alone with him.

The doctor continued talking, “Apparently the attacker managed to get a good hit in, knocking her to the ground, and she slammed her head on the pavement. The passerby yelled, causing the man to run off, but damage was already done.”

They stopped at a door, and she turned to look at him. “Her clothes were partially ripped when she was brought in, and because of the injuries she sustained, we’re treating this as an attempted assault, so when she wakes up, be delicate about it.” Rowan nodded his head in assurance, nausea roiling in his stomach. At least she said  _ attempted  _ assault, and not just assault.

The doctor gestured for him to enter the room, and he did, eyes immediately going to Aelin laying on the hospital bed. It was exactly like the image his mind had produced. She was lying there, asleep and unmoving, machines hooked up to her, and bandages around her head and one of her arms. He let out a choked sob. He should’ve stopped this. He should’ve been there. He had been so selfish, couldn’t get over his unrequited feelings to the point where he left her alone when he had promised  _ to whatever end _ , and this was the result.

Rowan pulled up a chair to her bedside, sitting down and vowing not to leave her ever again.

  
  
  


A few hours later, around 7 in the morning, a soft gasp had Rowan jolting awake. He looked up to see Aelin awake, and looking at him.

“Fireheart,” he said, “I’m so, so so-“ but was cut off before he could finish.

“You were supposed to be my friend.” She said, eyes cold and voice weak from the strain, “That’s all …. That’s all I asked of you. To be my friend. To care.” He felt tears rise in his eyes and tried reaching for her hand, but she moved it away the best she could.

“I know, I should’ve been there. I’m an idiot and jackass and I should’ve been there,” he said, voice thick. 

“Well you weren’t,” she said sharply, “and look where I am now.” The tears finally fell then, as Rowan listened at her words. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but was again beat to it. “I want you to leave,” Aelin said. Shock replaced his sadness briefly, and he didn’t move.

“I. Want. You. To. Leave.” She repeated, voice angry but sad as well, her own tears falling. Not wishing to ignore her request, he stood up and walked to the door, sorrow gracing every step. 

Rowan turned the handle, and he turned back to her and simply said “I’m sorry”, before walking out and leaving a part of his soul behind.


	2. Part 2

The next day, Aelin was discharged from the hospital, and she went home alone, with no family or friends to accompany her. She was a thousand miles away from Terrasen and had only managed to meet one new person after her move. The same person she had kicked out of her room the day prior.

Aelin leaned her head against the taxi window, yet another bout of tears spilling down her face. She hadn’t been able to stop crying since she woke up, for more reasons than one.

The attack had been one of the scariest moments of her life. The pain, the lack of control, the absolute panic she felt at not being able to get away. Aelin was extremely glad someone had managed to scare her attacker away before he got any further. Another issue, though, was the fact that she had no idea who it was. 

She, admittedly, had been very drunk by that point of the night and hadn’t been in a fit mental state to accurately identify the man. She prayed it wasn’t Sam, who she had abandoned not long after Rowan left, and she didn’t think it was, but she had no way to be sure.

Gods, Aelin knew she shouldn’t have gotten that drunk when out alone. Not that that excused anything that happened, not at all, but she had abandoned common sense in her search for a distraction. A distraction from her silver-haired best friend and all of the non best friend feelings she’d been having toward him recently. The only reason she had even been talking to Sam was to try and get Rowan’s attention, and see his reaction. She knew it was fucked up, but he was a very stoic person and getting him to show emotion was practically impossible. But then he had left. Leaving her there,  _ and  _ leaving her with no doubts about his lack of interest in her.

When the taxi pulled up to her small apartment building, Aelin thanked the driver and started trudging up the stairs, trying to ignore how weak her body felt. Her head was still killing her, and the cast on her arm kept her from any sort of normal movement. It was frustrating, but certainly better than the alternative. It could’ve been worse, was a mantra she repeated.  _ It could’ve been much worse. _

But her heart wasn’t in it. She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t want to be without  _ Rowan _ , but he had left her, so she was going to leave him. 

  
  
  
  


Two weeks later and Aelin still hadn’t laid eyes on Rowan. He had sent her some chocolates and flowers a week after the attack, with a note simply saying  _ I’m sorry, Fireheart _ , but it was clear he was waiting for her to initiate contact. She was the one to kick him out after all, and he wasn’t the type to pressure her into something she didn’t want.

Aelin hadn’t gone back to work either, using all of her saved up vacation days. She was never in the mood to go to the law firm, poring over documents and files for hours on end. She was much more inclined to sit on her couch all day, only getting up to refill her constant glass of wine.

It was guaranteed she would see Rowan if she went as well, seeing as he worked there too, and she hadn’t mustered up the courage or the will to talk to him.

Her feelings hadn’t gone away, had actually only gotten stronger. Having gone days without seeing him for the first time since they met had made her realize she never wanted to be without him again. 

But she still wouldn’t pick up the phone.

  
  
  
  


A month after the attack, Aelin was officially unemployed and going nowhere with her life. Having used all of her vacation days and still not showing up for work, her boss had finally let her go, without much protest on her end. 

Life was much simpler holed up alone in her apartment. No conflicts, no fear, no heartbreak, no interactions with anyone at all. She would have to do something at some point, she needed money for rent after all, but she wasn’t worried yet. And she knew she wouldn’t be worried for a while.

Her alcohol consumption had increased, and her only regular ventures from her apartment were to go buy more. It was the best way for her to drown out her problems. When she was drunk, she couldn’t feel the roaming hands, the smack of her head against the pavement, or the pain in Rowan’s eyes as she told him to leave.

  
  
  
  


Two months later, Aelin got her eviction notice, not having paid her rent three times by that point. Her landlord had been lenient, after hearing about what happened, but it had stretched to be one time too many, and Aelin was out. 

She didn’t have anywhere to go, so, not for the first time in the three months that had passed, she was contemplating calling Rowan. 

He had reached out a few times, with no response, so she assumed he had given up. Aelin knew it wasn’t his fault, but something in her still kept her away. Maybe it was fear. Fear over confronting what happened, fear over confronting what was between them, fear over losing him. Even though it seemed like she had lost him anyway.

But Aelin was desperate, so she hoped that he still cared about her enough to take her in and keep her from absolute destitution.

She walked to his apartment instead of coughing up the money to pay for a taxi, and twenty minutes later, she was standing in front of his door, poised to knock. 


	3. Part 3

After knocking a few times and waiting a couple of minutes, Aelin turned to leave, defeated. She didn’t know what her next move was going to be. She had no money, no apartment, and no job. All by her own doing, but that thought felt disconnected. She was more inclined to blame the world for her circumstances, not herself.

As she started walking, not really thinking about where she was headed, Aelin heard the door behind her open and a sharp gasp.

She whirled around and met the green eyes of Rowan Whitethorn for the first time since she woke up in the hospital that cursed morning. And he looked like shit. Utter shit. About the same as her, maybe worse. He had dark circles under his eyes, a stubble growing that showed he hadn’t shaved in days, and was wearing a ratty t-shirt with what looked like a whiskey stain of some sort on it.

But after the initial shock wore off, his eyes filled with concern and longing and regret, and the sight made her own eyes fill with tears. 

“Aelin,” he whispered, voice scratchy and filled with pain.

“Can I come inside?” she said shakily after she had gotten ahold of herself. Aelin didn’t meet his eyes, choosing to look past his head instead, just in case he shot her down. She wouldn’t blame him. After all of these months of avoiding him, it was fair if he avoided her too. 

But Rowan just nodded and stepped aside. As soon as they crossed the threshold he was asking her if she wanted something to drink. A request for any sort of alcohol was on the tip of her tongue, but she controlled herself and just asked for a water. She needed to get better, so she might as well start now.

She perched on the edge of the couch and waited for Rowan to come back, not wanting to make herself at home before they even really spoke to each other.

Rowan returned quickly, setting down her glass of water on the coffee table and sitting in the armchair across from her. 

“Ae-“ he began, but she cut him off.

“I need a place to stay,” she said, voice quiet and weak sounding, “I got kicked out of my apartment and I have nowhere to go.” Rowan blinked and stared at her for a second, and his lack of response made her start rambling. “I know I haven’t spoken to you in months, but I lost my job, so I can’t afford rent. I’m running out of money for food, and I’m scared.” She whispered the last part and hugged herself tight.

Suddenly she was crying as she thought about just how shitty and out of control her life had become. How she had let it get that far. Gods, she was such a fuck up.

Rapidly intensifying tears streamed down her face and she collapsed further into the couch, too weak to hold herself up. The dam blocking her emotions for the past three months had finally broken, and she was being swept away in the resulting wave.

Rowan’s arms wrapped around her hesitantly as he came over and kneeled by her, but when she leaned into his touch, his hug became tighter. Aelin felt his own tears spill against her head as they held each other.

He still hadn’t said anything back, but she couldn’t bring herself to care as she reveled in his presence.

Being with him again made her question how she had ever lived without him. But Aelin knew she hadn’t really been living at all. He was her rock, her support, her soul, her heart. She felt stronger around him, like she could conquer anything that life threw at her, and she knew that that was what she needed now. Words started spilling out of her without notice.

“I’m so sorry, Rowan. I didn’t mean to blame you, well I did at the time, I was just so overwhelmed that morning, but that was completely unfair of me. My life has been  _ shit _ without you and I miss you,” she said into his chest.

“You have no reason to be sorry, Fireheart,” he replied desperately, “I was an utter ass and I never should have left you there. I promised to look out for you and I failed.” His eyes were filled with such pain still and it made her heart break further if that was possible.

“Why  _ did  _ you leave?” she asked quietly, not accusatory. Aelin knew he always had her best intentions at heart, and if he had known what would happen after he left, she couldn’t’ve gotten him to go home if she tried. But she still wanted to know.

Rowan glanced away, showcasing his nerves at whatever he was about to say, and Aelin sat up straighter, wiping away her fading tears. He moved to sit next to her on the couch, close but not touching, and took a deep breath, looking straight ahead instead of at her.

“I’m in love with you,” he said succinctly, “and I  _ selfishly  _ got jealous of you flirting with Sam.” He shook his head in anger at himself. What? Her eyes widened as she processed the information. He was in love with her. She couldn’t help the small smile that curved on her lips.

“Really?” she asked, disbelieving but happy. He glanced over at her then and seemed to relax at her tone. 

“Yes,” he replied simply and a little breathlessly. Aelin’s smile widened, the happiest she’d been since before the attack. But insecurity rose and she looked down at her lap instead of him, a little bashful.

“Why? I’ve treated you horribly,” she said, thinking of the past few months. Rowan’s eyebrows furrowed.

“You can’t possibly think I’m angry with you for ignoring me,” he said, “you had every right to be pissed,” he clenched his jaw, “if I had been there for you, you wouldn’t have been ...attacked.” He spit out the word like he could barely stand to say it. “And gods, I know you can look after yourself, but I can’t help but imagine how it would’ve been different if I hadn’t left.”

Aelin stared at him for a second, and then grabbed his hand with both of her own. 

“You may blame yourself, but I don’t blame you,” she said softly, “and I think I’ve proven that I can’t handle this on my own. And I know that I’m a mess and I’m a lot to deal with, but I’m in love with you too, Rowan Whitethorn.”

At that, Rowan smiled gently, and he slowly leaned over to press his lips to hers, giving her plenty of time to back away if she wasn’t ready for it. But she sunk into the kiss, craving the feel of his soft mouth on hers. It was soft, and ended quickly, but it left them both grinning widely.

Aelin was still getting her life together, was still broke and reaching for a bottle every night, but she felt hope for the first time since that day. She was in a dark place, but she knew that Rowan would make it brighter.


End file.
